Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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