Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
