Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
