You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
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I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
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How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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