covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
