Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
