my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
