My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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