highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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