I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
