It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
