I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
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