About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
