3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Randomize
