youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
