Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Randomize
