Your dad touched me again.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
