People with herpes should wear stickers.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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