the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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