The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
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