what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
