As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
You are a genius and a whore.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
