he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
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This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
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Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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