im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
i believe in u and ur pee
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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