Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
