I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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