The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Randomize
