For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
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