i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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