My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
