i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Randomize
