I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
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