She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
