she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
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She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
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I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
He did a backflip because drugs
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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