I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
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