After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
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All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
this must be what syphilis tastes like
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
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I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
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