I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
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