Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
