I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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