I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
