someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
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