Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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