So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
