I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
