if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize