Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
