Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Come on in and take your pants off
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