I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
