I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
