I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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