this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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