You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I use my feet as sexual weapons
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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