I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
