oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
