he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
