Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
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