Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Randomize
