god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
